before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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