so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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