so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
