Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
