also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
