I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
