He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Randomize
