i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How external is "for external use only"?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
