....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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