Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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