Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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