Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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