peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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