States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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