Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Randomize
