Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
