Someone shit on the floor
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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