Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
