Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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