I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
