i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
