Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think my vagina is haunted
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The ass gains better be worth it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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