Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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