I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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