i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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