My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize