No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
