Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My feet surprised me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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