Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There r osticjed everywhere
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
