The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
