Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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