wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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