coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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