fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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