Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
