The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
