I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
