It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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