see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
