So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
