He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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