is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That accounts for only three of the penises
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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