hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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