She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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