Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
