My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
