he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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