I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
