I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
