Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
