Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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