i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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