Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
