just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
