Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
