on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
