She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
