Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
