Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.