Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
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just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.