those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
