Got a toothbrush?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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