I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
