My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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