lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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