Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
