I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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