My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sorry my hands just texted you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
