i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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