sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
