The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I forget how to act sober
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
