ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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