I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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